![]() ![]() ![]() It is cold on the tundra, and everyone wears fur-lined parkas. Machines do not work in the Dead Zone, so Lara and the others have to use dogsleds. We now visit "Venice, Italy," where the Illuminati gather, and then there is an expedition to the frozen northern land where the ancient city awaits in a Dead Zone inside the crater created by the meteor that brought the Key to Time here to Earth-I think. And a good thing, too, since fate hangs in the balance while she plays his parlor games. ![]() A letter from her father is discovered sewn into the binding of an old edition of William Blake "I knew you would figure out my clues," it says. Why they want to do this is never explained. This is the Key to whatever it is the Illuminati plan to do with the lost city, etc., in their plan to control time, etc. She hears a faint ticking under the stairs, demolishes the ancient paneling (with her bare hands, as I recall) and finds an old clock which conceals the All-Seeing Eye. Lara Croft is a major babe with a great set of ears. Elaborate research-and-development and manufacturing facilities must be tucked away somewhere, but we don't see them. When the dust settles, we learn that she is Lady Lara Croft ( Angelina Jolie), daughter of the tomb raider Sir Richard Croft ( Jon Voight), whose memorial stone sadly informs us, "Lost in the Field, 1985." Lady Lara lives in a vast country estate with a faithful butler and a private hacker and weapons system designer. The film opens with Lara Croft doing desperate battle with a deadly robot, in what turns out to be a homage to the openings of the Pink Panther movies where Clouseau took on Kato. Right away you can see that the movie is relatively advanced "The Mummy Returns" had no plot, and one special effects sequence, which was 121 minutes long. The plot of "Lara Croft Tomb Raider" exists as a support system for four special effects sequences. That "Pearl Harbor" is even discussed in those terms is depressing. I have been hearing for weeks from fans of " The Mummy Returns" and " Pearl Harbor," offended that I did not like those movies-no, not even as "popcorn movies." I responded that " The Mummy" was a good popcorn movie but "The Mummy Returns" was a bad popcorn movie. ![]()
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